The Vampire Academy
by BrambleclawIsMyHomeboy12
Summary: Welcome to the Vampire Academy! Please join us on our descent into hilarious hell for the clan. Kurda decides that it's time for the vampires in Vampire Mountain to get a formal education. Please R
1. The Start Of School

A/N Dont own Cirque Du Freak, or Darren Shan. Just playing with them.

Kurda Smahlt. The only blonde, unscarred, pacifist, educated, and, if he does say so himself, sexy vampire in the whole mountain. However, he wasn't concentrating on his attractiveness at this point. He was focusing on the educated part. It had come to his attention that none of the vampires here were educated, at all. Well, other than Darren. Larten Crepsley could barely right his own name, and Gavner Purl couldn't count to five! He needed to fix this.

"Class will now come to order!" Kurda yelled, slamming his book down on the desk. Everyone in the room burst out laughing at his serious tone. "Silence!" He roared, and they finally shut up.

"Today we will start in the alphabet, class. Aren't you excited?" He asked like an overeager kindergarten teacher. They all groaned in unison. His class consisted of Larten Crepsley, Gavner Purl, Arra Sails, Seba Nile, Paris Skyle, Mika Ver Leth, Arrow, and Darren Shan. None of them were happy to be here, and Darren looked just plain scared.

"Yeah blondie, we're thrilled. Remind me why I'm here again?" Arrow grumbled.

"Because Arrow, you need to learn these things. There are very important in life!" Kurda looked shocked at the bald prince.

"Can we move along with the lesson mister Smahlt?" Seba shouted form the back of the room. Kurda nodded and then started his program.

"The alphabet. It starts with the letter A, which sounds just like you say it, and looks like this." He drew a huge capital A on the board. "Unless it's not a capital, then it sounds like a, and looks like this." He drew a litle A on the board.

His back was turned as he drew this, and he was halfway through drawing the B's when a burst of laughter turned him around. He turned to see all the vampires, huddled at one of the tables, playing poker.

"Read 'em and weep boys!" Paris yelled, showing a royal flush, and with a mad look from Arra added, "And Arra!" Larten laughed at Mika's stunned, and annoyed expression. None of them had noticed Kurda.

With lightning speed he flitted over to the table and snatched the cards from everyone. "Hey!"

"I will not tolerate any disruptions in this class. The next one who disturbs out learning will be sentenced to detention." Kurda threatened, once again trying to sound serious. This time no one laughed. They went back to the board.

They got all the way to M before Kurda realized that they weren't going to even try to learn anything unless they did something fun. Him looking at the bored faces of the vampires, and the sleeping form of Arrow, was proof. "Alright class, that's enough of that. Let's do art class."


	2. Art Class

"Art?" Asked Larten, "We're going to do art?"

"Yes you are. We will be working with paint and sculptures today. Now would everyone please put on a smock."

"What in the hell is a smock?" Arrow asked. Kurda's lips tightened into a thin smile.

"Those are smocks." he gestured to the stack of white aprons in the corner.

"They look like dirty aprons." Arra added, rising to put one on. To no one's surprise, but Kurda, Larten helped her to put it one. He whispered in her ear, causing her to laugh and smack him in the arm.

They all pulled their smocks on. Arrow's was far too small, Mika's was too small and it made his chest look tiny and his arms disproportionately huge, Seba and Paris's were way to big, Larten's, Darren's and Arra's actually fit. They were a comical sight. Kurda had "borrowed" the aprons from the kitchen so they were stained a multitude of colors, with varying splats of bat broth and ale littering the front.

"All right. Everybody partner up and sit at a table." Kurda instructed. Predictably, Arra partnered with Larten. Seba partnered with Mika, surprisingly. Paris with Gavner and Darren with Arrow. They were odd pairs, but he didn't really care. They had actually listened to him.

"All right who wants to work with the clay part of the group?" Mika, Gavner, Darren, and Arra raised their had, so Kurda handed them all a small pottery wheel, and lumps of wet clay. "The others will work with paint. You'll paint the creations your partner makes." Then he passed out paints to the other members of the group.

With the pottery wheels spinning, and the paint stirring, Kurda was finally happy with his class. They were actually learning something. That was an achievement, no matter what they actually learned.

Suddenly, the peace was shattered. A suspicious lump of wet clay flew through the air and hit Gavner in the back of the head. "Who was that?" He growled. Everyone glanced up startled, except for Arra and Larten, who were to busy staring at each other. Mika pointed at Darren, and the small teenager had no time to react before Gavner, who was steaming mad, launched his own lump of clay at the boy. It hit it's target straight on, smacking Darren in the face.

The boy returned fire and launched on back at Gavner. He ducked just in time, and the clay hit Paris instead. The prince was furious and soon picked up his paint, not knowing who had thrown the clay, he launched paint at the nearest vampire, Seba Nile. Then, all hell broke lose.

"Eat that" and "Wah-hah!" Flew around the room as much as the clay and paint. It was a shower of art supplies, covering all the vampires. They screamed and threw things. By now, Arrow was a sickly shade of green, and the clay in Paris's beard had changed the color to a dull brown. Darren's face was a bright shade of purple, and Arra had clay, spattered over her shirt like shotgun bullets. Lartne had paint and clay decorating his body, to the point that he was almost unrecognizable.

"STOP. STOP. STOP. Stop right know!" Kjurda yelled, and everyone froze, a lump of wet clay in Arrow's outstretched hand. Then, Paris of all people, did the unexpected thing. He snatched a lump of clay off the table and launched it at the frenzied teacher. It made it's mark, smacking Kurda in the nose. The other howled with laughter as his face turned form pale white to red, from red to purple, and then to blue. He looked like he was going to explode.

Then the color drained form his face and his voice became dangerously soft. "Class is dismissed. I'll see you all tomorrow evening." And with that all the grateful pupils left, smiling at each other at their great victory.


	3. Science

It was six o clock at night. It was time for class to start. Sure enough, here came his students.

"Hey look, teach," Arrow yelled, "I brought my own _smock_." He and Mika high fived and went to sit at the nearest table. Darren and Gavner sat behind them. Paris and Seba behind them. And, finally, Arra nd Larten in the last desk.

"Today we will be learning science." Kurda announced. Maybe they will have better luck with life processes. "We will be learning the eight basic life processes carried out by all living things."

In unison, everyone in the room groaned loudly. "Why are we learning science? We can't even read!" Mika yelled and then sat back down quietly, at Kurda's intense glare.

Kurda went onto a long discussion, and it actually went smoothly. He got through the first seven with little resistance, and they all looked like they were paying attention, not that he had looked in a while. Then a stifled giggle it his ears. Then a stifled laugh. Then a snort. Then someone banged there head and fist on the table.

Confused as he was he decided that he should just carry on with the lesson. "The eighth and last basic life process carried out by living things is…. Reproduction!" Well that was something he shouldn't have said. The held laughter sprang forward with new enthusiasm, and the room came alive with mirth.

Arrow fell out of his chair he was shaking so hard from holding in his laughter. Kurda Smahlt, however, found the situation far from funny. In fact it was rather disgusting in his opinion.

Larten and Arra were sitting in the back desk. Well, they were laying on the table. Arra was on top of Larten, and, as Darren called it, they were "Making-out." By then is class saw no reason to contain there laughter, and all of ten burst out laughing, at both the irony of the situation, the event taking place in the first place, and the look of utter horror plastered on Kurda's face.

"No PDA'S!" He yelled, desperately trying to break them apart.

"Go Mr. Crepsley!" Darren yelled, and then stopped, he was laughing to hard to talk anymore.

"NO PDA'S!" He screeched desperately. They took no notice. "LARTEN CREPSLEY AND ARRA SAILS. STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!" Finally, they noticed him and broke apart. Both wearing sadistic, but still pleased grins on there faces.

"Have a problem Mr. Smahlt?" Arra asked, still laying on Larten.

"Yeah is something wrong?" Larten asked.

"Yes. Public displays of affection are incredibly inappropriate." Kurda retaliated with dignity.

"We're sorry. But we were actually giving the class a first hand demonstration of our latest life process. Nothing wrong with that." Arra argued, finally getting off of Larten.

"I-----You---No you---" He couldn't finish a sentence. He had never wanted this to happen, why wouldn't his class just behave. "Class is dimissed."

A/N: Thank my awesome science teacher Mr. Daniels for the idea! :) Love ya Mr. D!


	4. Ancient History

**A/N Sorry this one is so long. It's actually only good at towards the end. But if you don't read the first part it won't make sense. Don't own the saga or Characters.**

It was that time again. Six O'clock. Class time. Kurda swallowed his dread; he had made the pact to follow through with this. He was going to do it, if it killed him. He they came, trickling in, in pairs. Arra and Larten. Darren and Gavner. Seba and Paris. Arrow and Mika.

"So, Mr. Smahlt, what are we doing today?" Darren asked.

"You'll see once everyone settles down." Kurda answered, smiling at Darren's curiosity. Once everyone had taken a seat, Kurda turned around to write on the board.

"Today we will be learning Ancient History." A suspicious pencil hit him in the back of the head. He decided to ignore it.

"We will be studying some of the main Greek gods." Another pencil.

"Everyone will be assigned a god." Another pencil.

"I know none of you but Darren can read but that will be okay, you won't need to. You'll come up with the lines on your own, based on their personality." Another pencil.

"Paris will be Zeus." Another pencil. They were getting harder to ignore.

"Mika will be Hades." Another pencil. This time it smacked him in the ear.

"Arrow will be Poseidon." Another pencil. Kurda let out a long sigh, and kept going.

"Larten will be Hephaestus." Bam! Another pencil, this time on the side of his head.

"Arra will be Athena." Sure, enough another pencil hit his head.

"Seba will be Apollo." Smack! Another pencil to the back of the head. But still no noise from the class.

"Gavner will be Ares." This time the point of the pencil jabbed his skull, and got stuck in his hair. Without turning he pulled it out and finished the list.

"Darren will be Hermes." H turned around just in time. This time the empty pencil box smacked him right in between the eyes. He picked it up off the floor. I had a big arrow sign on the back of the box, so it wasn't that hard to figure out whose it was.

"Arrow. Please do not throw things in my classroom. Now everyone come up here and get your God or Goddesses personality, then we can get started.

The entire class came up to his desk. Kurda was shocked; they were actually listening to him.

"Hey teach, if were Greek don't we need those white towel thingy's?" arrow asked.

"You mean togas?" Kurda asked.

"Sure. That's what I meant." Arrow answered, and Mika snickered.

"Alright Arrow, you and Mika can go find something we can make toga's with if you want. The rest of us will be getting ready."Kurda said, and then went back to talking.

"Hey, Kurda." Gavner started, "Since we are gods, don't we need like weapons or something?"

Kurda thought this over. Weapons in the hands of these vampires could be extremely dangerous. But on the other hand, he wanted them to get the whole experience. "Alright. We can have weapons. But they will be made out of the paper in the art cabinet. No metal."

And so his class set to work creating their Greek weapons and costumes. Paris made himself a huge crown and a bright yellow lightning bolt and sword; Larten made a short sword, and a hat that blacksmiths would wear; Gavner made all sorts of weapons, a sword, some knives, and a giant paper shield; Seba made himself a paper bow with some little arrows; Arra made a long staff and a short paper knife; and finally Darren made himself some winged shoes and a very short sword.

"We're Back!" Arra and Mika barged in carrying about thirty different kinds and colors of sheets. They had already wrapped lopsided excuses for togas around themselves, and know through down the others so that there classmates could make theirs. Everyone rushed forward to grab a sheet of the color they wanted.

"Wait. Get one that matches your God or Goddesses." They all groaned loudly, but obliged. Paris grabbed the yellow sheet. Mika changed so he was wearing the black one; Arrow already had on the blue on, Larten pulled on the red one, Arra the pink, Seba the orange and now there was one sheet left. Darren's sheet. It was an ugly purple, with giant luau flowers printed all over it.

Frowning at all the others he pulled it on.

While all the others fixed there tunics, Mika and Arrow fixed up their weapons. Mika made a big black sword and shield out of the black paper. And Arrow made a gain turquoise trident out the only teal paper in the cabinet. Both of them made matching crowns, each one big enough o fit a bowling ball.

"Alright class. It's time to start role playing. Now take it away." Kurda said. Nothing happened. "It's time to start." He repeated.

"Well," Arrow said, "This is dumb."

"Yes, brother it is indeed dumb." Mika agreed.

"I do not claim you as family Hades, get out of my sight." Arrow yelled, pointing his trident in Mika's face.

"Don't tell me what to do you stupid mermaid!" Mika retorted, and then pulled out his sword.

"Calm thy selves!" Paris yelled, stepping in between them.

"Oh yeah. Bring it lightning boy." And with that, Arrow smacked off Paris's lightning crown. It didn't fall to the floor though; it flew back and hit Gavner.

"You do not anger the god of war, you imbeciles," Gavner yelled, pulling out his sword. As he did that, he hit one of Seba's arrows he had made, tearing the paper just a tiny bit.

Seba was outraged. "How dare you Ares?" And he notched and an arrow and launched it straight at Gavner's head. The "God of war" ducked just in time and it hit Arra instead.

"Men! You're all idiots!" She yelled and then raised her staff above her head. By complete accident it whacked Darren in the top of the head. Then it fell out of her hands, and hit Larten in the stomach.

"Ar- I mean Athens, how could you?" Larten asked, shocked he had hit him. But before he could answer, one of Seba's arrows hit him in the nose. He raised his sword and ran after the elderly vampire. But soon, the warring Paris, Mika, and Arrow, stepped in front of him, blocking his few.

It was an Olympic free for all. Seba's arrows were flying everywhere, paper swords clashed against each other, and Arra's small knife she had made became embedded in Gavner's toga.

"Take this you pathetic excuse for a god!" And "Eat my lighting!" were just a few of the words being thrown around the room. Kurda was helpless, unable to stop them, no matter how much screaming he did.

He did probably the stupidest thing he could have done. He grabbed on of the empty cardboard rolls, which used to have paper on it and joined the fray. He took out Darren in one swig to the side of his head. Paris, Larten, Gavner, Arra, and even Mika went down.

"So. I see that you are skilled with your cardboard blonde one. But can you defeat me?" Arrow, faced Kurda, his trident raised in the attack position.

Kurda raised his paper tube and the fight began. Duck. Parry. Fight. Swing. Block. And finally, he hit the paper trident hard enough it fell form Arrow's hands.

"You can not kill me. I am Poseidon, ruler of the sea." Arrow yelled. Kurda didn't care. He knocked Arrow's crown off of his head, signaling the price's defeat.

"Class is dismissed. Please leave your togas on the front stool." Kurda breathed. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	5. Reading

Once again, it was Six O'clock. Kurda stood inside his classroom at the front desk. Looking over some handouts he had made. You don not know how long it took him to hand copy all those papers, but maybe it would be worth it this time. Or at least he hoped so.

The class came in, once again in pairs. They sat in the same desks that they had been sitting in. This time with no stupid questions, or comments, Kurda was relieved; maybe they had calmed down a little.

"Alright students. We have put this off for to long. Today we will start the process of learning to read." Kurda announced.

"What is the point of me learning to read? No self-respecting vampire writes anything down anyway." Arrow complained. Kurda gave him a dark look, he wrote things down all the time, and he was self-respecting.

"That is an invalid generalization Mr. Arrow. Please keep you comments to yourself." Arrow rolled his eyes, and Mika stifled a giggle. "Did you have something to add Mr. Ver Leth?" Would mind coming up here and sharing it with the rest of the class?"

Mika pushed his chair back and walked up front to the class, everyone stared at him. "Now, Mika, what were you laughing at?"

"You really want to know?" Mika asked, leaning back against the wall.

"Yes. And I'm sure everyone else does." Kurda answered. If he didn't teach Mika not to be disrespectful now, they would have issues later. Well, at least that's what "Parent's With Kids Magazine" had said.

"I was laughing because your underwear is sticking out of the front of your pants, teach. Nice pattern you got, pink bunnies." Mika explained, dead serious. The class erupted in laughter.

"Mika Ver Leth. My underwear is not---," He glanced down and saw that it was true. He had forgotten a belt, the one day he decided to wear bunny rabbit underwear. Why did everything happen to him? He quickly fixed it.

"Thank you. You can sit down now." Kurda stammered out, his blush growing deeper.

Once they finally stopped laughing, Kurda moved on, with what was left of his dignity. "Alright, who wants to help me today?" No one raised there hand.

"Seba, thank you for volunteering." He randomly picked the elderly vampire, who gave him the look that said "I should kill you". But he stood up anyway.

"What?" Seba asked.

"Please pass these out. Give one to everyone." Kurda instructed, giving him the handouts.

"Fine." Seba walked around, handing a paper to everyone in attendance. All but Darren just gave the paper blank looks. Darren slapped his forehead.

"Alright on this list is the alphabet, and some basic words they stand for." Kurda explained. He took his own copy of the list and copied what it said onto the board.

_A is for apple._

"This," He said, pointing to the big A, "is the letter A. The first letter in the alphabet. It's the first letter in apple." Everyone nodded, actually paying attention.

_B is for banana._

"This," he pointed to the B, "is a B. It's the first letter in banana." Kurda explained. Arrow's hand shot up in the air.

"What Arrow?" Kurda asked, weary of his question.

"I don't like bananas, teach." Arrow explained, like it was the most important thing in the world.

"Arrow you aversion to bananas is not important." Kurda ran his hand down his face.

"I think it's important." Arrow said, "I think it should be important what I think. But if you don't, I guess that's okay. I mean after all you are the teacher." Arrow crossed his arms and smiled up at Kurda.

"Okay Arrow. If you insist on not using banana for the letter B. Think of something else."

"I can't!" The bald prince looked shocked that he had even suggested it.

"And why, pray tell, is that?" Kurda was mad now.

"I don't now what the hell a "B" is!" He rolled his eyes, like that was completely obvious.

"How about Bat Broth? That starts with a B." Larten suggested. Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?" he asked.

"How did you know that?" Daren asked, shocked that his mentor knew anything about reading at all.

"They start with the same sound." Larten explained. So, Kurda wrote it down. He was happy. At least one of his students was learning something.

_C is for cat._

"This," he pointed to the big C, "Is a C. It's the first letter in cat."

"Where is this cat? I shall slay it at once!" Paris leaped out, brandishing a sword that Kurda hadn't even noticed before.

"Aye!" All the vampires yelled rising to their feet and pulling out there own weapons.

"Forward. We must find this infernal feline that dares to threaten our mountain!" Paris sprinted to the door, leading a parade of yelling vampires through the halls of Vampire Mountain.

"No, stop! That's not what I meant!" Kurda yelled, desperately trying to stop them. They either didn't listen, or didn't hear him. So he ran after them, hurrying to stop them before they completely destroyed the mountain hunting for a non-existent cat.

He ran out the door and saw the group stopped at the end of the hallway, talking to Vanez. "Join our army Vanez. We are hunting for a cat that's threatens our peaceful mountain. Rise and Defend!" At Paris's cry cheering rose up from the vampires already assembled.

"Rise and Defend! Rise and Defend! RISE AND DEFEND!" They yelled, over and over again, increasing in volume as they yelled.

"Alright I'll come. Never like the stupid fur balls anyway." Vanez announced, and grabbed a staff before joining the throng. "It probably went that way!" He randomly pointed down the hallway. They took up their battle cry and rushed down the hall.

Kurda followed desperately. He could see them up ahead, vampires joining their group as they raced down the hall. The whole mountain must be on this chase.

"Stop!" He yelled. They didn't hear him.

They were chanting, "KILL THE CAT! KILL THE CAT! KILL THE CAT!" As they marched down the hallway. They came to a dead end, with no where to turn.

"About face!" Paris ordered and they all turned around to see an exhausted Kurda in front of them. "Ah, Kurda. Are you here to join the cause?"

"No," he answered, gulping in air, "I'm not."

"But you are the one who alerted us to the presence of this intruding mammal. Yet you do not wish to hunt for it." All the vampires waited anxiously for his reply.

"There is no cat. We were learning the alphabet." Kurda explained, finally gaining his breath back. "There is no "furry intruder" as you say."

All the vampires looked at each other before taking up another cry.

"GET THE BLONDE ONE! GET THE BLONDE ONE!"

Kurda screamed and ran back to the classroom with the entire mountain chasing him. Knives were thrown at his head, along with swords and several other things, including a sock. He was almost there; one more corner and he would be there.

At last, freedom from the hunters. He burst through the door and hid behind the front desk.

"It's alright you all. We'll get him." That voice belonged to Mika Ver Leth. When nothing happened, other than the clearing out of the screaming vampires, Kurda dared to stick his head up.

All of his class was there. Sitting in there desks, waiting on him. They smiled innocently up at him.

"Class is dismissed." Kurda said, and they all jumped up and left. He let out a long breath. Now he knew never to say the dreaded "C" word. Ever again.

A/N: If your wondering about the cat thing. It came from one of the cooks, Mr. C, I think it was him, said that vampires avoided cats. Just in case you were wondering :)


	6. Music

It was that time of day again. Six O'clock. School was starting. After the disaster yesterday, Kurda had decided that they should leave reading for a while, and move on to something else. The class came in, and settled down at their desks. All staring up at him.

"Alright demons—I mean class. Today we will have music class." No reaction at all. "What do you all already now?"

"By music you mean, were gonna' be singing right?" Arrow asked.

"Yes. We will sing later." Kurda agreed. "But right now, does anyone else know anything?"

"You dance to music," Seba threw in. Kurda nodded.

"Vampires can't dance." Darren added.

"Some music is slow." Larten said.

"Some of it's slow." Mika agreed.

"Can we do something?" Paris yelled, raising his voice so he could be heard.

"Alright," Kurda said, "We'll start singing. After we assess everyone's voice level."

"If you have a very deep voice, you're a bass. Raise your hand if you think you're a bass." Arrow and Gavner raised their hands.

"If you are not Arra and have a medium voice, raise your hand. You're a baritone." Paris, Larten, Mika, and Seba raised their hands.

"Alright that means Darren is a tenor, and Arra is a soprano." Kurda finished. "Now you get to chose a song and sing it for the class."

"Can we do a group thing?" Arrow asked, everyone smiled at each other.

"Sure." Kurda sighed, he could only hope for the best.

"Can we use instruments?" Darren asked. Kurda nodded. Everyone but Mika and Arrow ran and got instruments out of the closet at the back of the room. Darren got the guitar; Larten, Seba and Paris got the drums; Arra and Gavner got synthesizers.

"Alright teach. I'm singing lead, and Arrow's back-up." Mika announced before signaling for the band to start.

(A/N this is a real parody song with the words changed around a little! To the tune of "I Want It That Way)

_Yeah!_

_We are vampires!_

_We are trained fighters!_

_But one is that way,_

_One vampire boy's gay!_

_But we don't want to be mean,_

_Since now he's the queen._

_Don't ask please, _

_which vampire boy's gay!_

_(Tell Me Who)_

_Ain't sayin that it's Darren!_

_(Tell me who)_

_Ain't saying that it's Larten._

_(Tell me who)_

_I never want to hear you say, _

_Which vampire boy is gay?_

**Verse Two**

_Now I can see him_

_He's in Arra's clothes._

_But he don't need an I.U.D._

_He likes the village people,_

_He's playin crochet._

_His dog is a Pekinese._

_He's a vampire,_

_His back perspires!_

_(Wont say)_

_(Wont say)_

_(Wont say)_

_Who's Gay?_

_He's always sayin_

_Ain't nothin but a blood ache!_

_Ain't nothin but a bat-cake._

_I never want to hear you say,_

_(I never want to hear you say)_

_Which one of us is Gay?_

_(Tell Me Who)_

_Ain't saying that is Kurda._

_Ain't sayin Paris or Seba._

_(Tell me W/ho)_

_He's bakin up a soufflé_

_Which Vampire boy is Gay?_

_Okay, only he's Gay!_

And with that final note all the vampires pointed at Kurda. They burst out laughing at his horrified expression, they had completly missed the point of music class, and started cheering on Mika, for his excellent job at singing.

"How was my singing teach?" Mika asked. "I think me an Arrow did a good job for a couple of first-timers!" He and Arrow high-fived.

"Yes, well Mika. That was an interesting song choice. Very, --- interesting." Kurda stammered out.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me." Mika laughed and they went to sit back down.

"Don't bother," Sighed Kurda, "Class is dismissed. I'll see you all tomorrow."

A/N this is not as good as some of my others, but I still like it. I'm going back to school tomorrow, so I'll write better chapters as the inspiration comes. I don't own "I Want It That Way", or "Which BVackstreet Boy Is Gay"

No offense to anyone, I have nothing against gay people.


	7. Home Ec

(A/N) Sorry it's been a couple day since I've updated, and sorry for the badness that was chapter five. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and if you want me to do a specific subject, tell me. I'll see what I can do

It was the dark time of the day. Six O'clock. Class time. Kurda was twitching he was so nervous. He had a plan today, a plan that might limit some of the out-of-control nature of his students. He hoped it would. They came in the usual pairs and sat in their usual places.

"Hello class. Today we will have Home Economics education." Kurda waited for an outburst, a reaction, but nothing came.

"What's Home Economics?" Mika asked.

"Cooking class. I brought every pair a small burner and there ingredients." Kurda explained.

"Wait." Arrow said. "We're seriously cooking?" Kurda nodded and began to pass out burners. They were small, the perfect size for what they were about to do. Then came the ingredients, pre-measured and ready to go. Then the supplies, bowls and spoons.

Then he went ot get the aprons off the stool in the back of the room.

"Hey!" Arrow yelled, "It's the smocks!" Everyone looked, they were the "Smocks"from art class. Everyone scrambled to get the one's they had during art. Kurda just dropped them and closed his eyes.

"I had the purple one old man!" Arrow yelled at Paris, who was putting on the correct smock.

"No you did not!" The older man argued. "I did."

"Oh yeah, Santa Claus? You want to fight me for it?" Arrow asked him, getting in Paris's face.

Before Paris could answer Kurda did, "Arrow that is Paris' apron, please get yours and sit down." Arrow glared at Kurda before turning around, grabbing his apron, and going to sit beside Mika.

"Alright today we will be making cookies. Chocolate chip cookies." Kurda announced.

"Really?" Mika asked then stared at his bag like he couldn't believe that they would actually make anything edible.

"Yes. Now your ingredient are premeasured and your oven's are pre-set. Put your ingredients into the bowl and stir them to get out lumps, and raise your hand when you're done." Kurda instructed.

His class set to work. Darren reached for the baggy with flour and jerked it open. Darren and Gavner went up in a cloud of flour. When it cleared, Gavner's face was stark white like a snowman's and Darren had flour rigning his face like a beard. The others gave them one look and then burst out laughing. Kurda almost cried.

"Alright class, it would seem Darren and Gavner are out of flour. Keep working while I go get them some more." They shrugged, and then went back to mixing there stuff. Kurda breathed out his relief and then stepped out into the hallway. He hurried odwn the hallway and quickly prepared a baggy of two cups of flour. Thanking the kitchen staff he ran out. All the way down the hall he was terrified that they had either burned the classroom down, or maybe thrown all their dough away and he would have to make more. But no, not even close.

He pushed open the doors to the classsroom, breathing heavily, to see a circle of vampires gathered in a big circle around the front two desks.

"Arrow! Arrow!" Half of them cheered.

"Seba! Seba!" The others chanted. Really confused, Kurda stepped up to see what they were doing. Dear Gods.

They were apparently having a contset. To see who could hold there tongue to the burners the longest! Arrow and Seba were sitting in chairs with their tongues pressed to the small round, heated plates. "What do you think you're doing?" Kurda yelled.

"Stop that this instant!" He ran towards, intending to pull them off. He never made it. Almost instantly, Larten and Mika tackled him. They kept cheering, Kurda could only watch in horror as the stupidity continued.

About five minutes later, Seba couldn't take it. He pulled his tongue off the burner and stuck it into the cookie batter on his desk. Breathing a sigh of relief he relaxed.

"BOOOOOOOOOO!" Half the vampires yelled.

Arrow leaped up from his chair, "I'm the sampion! Wha now old man?" He laughed like a maniac and pointed at Seba. His voice was incredibly disoriented and you could hardly make out his words. The other vampires cheered, even Seba.

Lifting him up in their shoulders they paraded aroun the room, "WOOT! WOOT! WOOT!" They yelled. Kurda was helpless. Arrow threw up his arms and stuck out his tongue. It was dark black, like burnt toast and mae Kurda sick just looking at it.

"Stop. Please stop. "They paid him no mind, and kept marching.

"Stop right now!" This time he yelled. They stopped dead. "Your all free to go, now. Class is dismissed. I'll guess I'll see you all tommorow?" He said it more like a question.

Everyone nodded. "Sur thing teach. Cooking is un!" Arrow yelled as he left.


	8. Authors note, please read

Authors Note:

Hey peoples, don't worry, I'm working on this story but I need some help. I need ideas for some subjects they can do! I have minor writers block, and cant think of any more! Please send me some ideas :)


	9. Gym

Kurda sat hunkered in his desk. His eyes wide with fear and apprehension. It was six O'clock. Time for his class to show up. He had a plan today, they were going to calm down, he was going to make them. They trickled in, in pairs. He directed all of them up to the front of the room.

They stood in a line in front of the blackboard. "Class, today we are getting assigned seats." He announced simply, everyone gave him weird looks. He sighed. "That means I pick who you sit with."

He looked straight at Mika and Arrow, who surprisingly said nothing. BAM! Something hit him in the side of the head. A shoe! They threw a shoe at him?

He turned to Arrow and Mika, who were laughing so hard they were crying, but realized that they couldn't have thrown it; he had been looking at them the whole time. He turned his gaze to the others, and squinted one of his eyes, hoping to look intimidating. It really didn't work. They burst out laughing at his stupid expression.

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" He shouted, effectively shutting them up for a change. He gazed down at all of their feet. Arra, Larten, Seba, and Paris were all wearing there shoes. That left Gavner and Darren.

"Alright you two are you going to tell me who threw it, or am I going to have to check?" Kurda asked, coming to stand in front of him. Gavner exchanged a look with Darren, and then pulled up his pant legs off of his ankles. Two, mud-stained, rather ugly boots were on his feet. Nasty but they were both there.

Darren threw the shoe? Why? He was Kurda's best student? "Daren why did you hit me with a shoe?" Kurda asked the teenager.

"Sorry. I wasn't aiming for where it hit." Darren explained.

"Really? Then where were you aiming for Darren?" Kurda asked, genuinely confused. For an answer to his teacher's question, Darren slipped off his other shoe.

He let it fly! BOOM! It smacked Kurda right in the middle of his forehead, leaving a giant 6 as it fell off. Everyone burst out laughing, while Kurda almost burst out crying.

"Alright," He said, breathing deeply and regaining a tiny bit of composure, "Line up. We are going to the Hall of Sports, the big one." Ten weird looks later, and they were all lined up, filling down the halls to Hall of Sport. Kurda had asked Vanez to clear out some of the mats and weaponry from the room so he could have class in there.

The games master had agreed, and Kurda had found some old sports balls that they could use. A soccer ball, a football, a volley ball, two basketballs, and some dodge balls. They were in a huge crate in the makeshift gym; he figured they could get a game out of that.

"Alright class," he announced once they had all gathered into the room. "In that crate are several different balls. You may chose one and play a game with it."

The entire class flew over to the crate. Arrow grabbed the football and stood back with a thoughtful expression. He walked back to Kurda, "Hey teach. Can we play rugby?"

Kurda had no idea what rugby was, but he decided to let them have a go at it. This was a gym, there was nothing to destroy. "Sure. Arrow, you can play rugby."

At the word rugby, everyone stopped moving over by the ball crate, and whipped around. "Everybody line-up!" Arrow yelled to them. They all ran to where the bald prince was standing.

"Alright. We'll have two teams, first team to score the most points wins." That statement earned Arrow confused looks from everyone, but they ignored it. "Alright, Me, Mika, Arra, and Gavner will be team one. You guys are team two."

They assembled in their separate teams, while Kurda watched nervously form the sidelines." Hey wait a minute." Darren yelled. "How are we going to tell the teams apart?" Arrow thought on this for a moment.

"We'll do shirts and skins. And since we have Arra, you all are skins." He and Mika high-fived. Four discarded shirts, and a fussy Paris later they lined up to play. Arrow's team started out with the ball, with Mika as the quarterback.

"HIKE!" He yelled and his team reacted instantly. Arra went straight for Larten and tackled him to the ground, not that he was protesting. Gavner ran around enemy lines and got ready to catch the ball as it flew over Darren's head.

Gavner leaped and caught it, right as Seba tackled Mika to the ground. Darren ran after Gavner, who had the football sticking out in front of him by about two feet. The half-vampire was gaining on the general; in fact he was going to catch him in three, two, one….

BAM! Darren dropped to the floor as a basketball hit him in the back. Unfortunately for Gavner he slammed right into him, causing the football to go flying. Arrow stood by the ball crate, smiling at his handiwork, while Paris dove for the football. He grabbed one of the dodge balls and launched it at the elderly vampires head.

Instead of hitting him, Paris ripped around and caught it. He threw it straight at Arrow, but the other prince was ready, and deflected it sideways, straight into Seba's head. Mika was just getting off the floor, where Seba had tackled him, and he dove for the dodge ball. He threw it at Darren, all the way down the gym, who was running for the football.

"First one to get the football to there end of the gym wins!!!!!!!" Arrow yelled. Everyone but Arra and Larten, scrambled to get either ammo, or the football. Darren had just wrapped his hand around the leather of the football, when a volleyball came for his head.

Tucking the football under his arm, he stuck out his arm and punched the volleyball right into Gavner's head. The general grabbed it right as it was about to hit him in the nose, and aimed it at Seba's feet.

Seba dropped to the ground and rolled forward, reaching the ball crate and pulling out two dodge balls. With two expert throws, he slammed Mika and Arrow in the head. "What now!?" He yelled to no one in particular.

Darren ran towards the end of the gym where scoring would mean winning, but Arrow saw him. Snatching up the basketball in the crate Arrow took carful aim, and took Darren down. He knocked the half-vampires feet out from under him, and the football flew into the air.

Paris started to run in slow motion, and then leaped. With his mouth hanging open he grabbed the football and fell to the ground running. He dodged and twisted from the projectiles being launched at him like a pro. Until a stray dodge ball took him down.

All the balls came out of the crate, along with what was already being tossed, and Kurda could only watch as they fought like wild animals. A diving tackles there, a spectacular leap here. Chaos.

By some cruel twist of fate, the football ended up landing in Kurda's hands. Play stopped dead, and they all turned to look at him. All of a sudden six vampires were hurtling toward him at lightning speed. "!" He screamed and leaped up from his chair.

He ran for the nearest end of the gym, not caring which one it was. He ducked low, and avoided two killer volley balls and a lethal soccer ball at the same time. He could hear and feel them hot on his heels, but he was going to make it. At his moment of glory, tragedy.

His foot hit something in the road and he went flying forward. He skidded about five feet before turning to see Larten and Arra, on the ground, kissing. He had tripped over them!

His pursuers leaped over the happy couple and came right for him. He ran for the end, and right as he reached the touchdown marker Arrow and Mika slammed into him.

"WE WIN! LOSERS!" Darren, Seba, and Paris cheered, going up to Kurda and slapping him on the back, while Arrow and Mika got off and grumbled about how it wasn't fair.

"No," Kurda said form the floor, "You don't win." They stopped cheering and stared at him.

"But you scored in our touchdown!" Darren protested.

"I. Do. Not. Care." Kurda spoke through gritted teeth. "You don't win. I do. I scored so I win."

"But—" Darren started to protest again, but Kurda cut him off with a glare.

"Everyone out. Class is dismissed. I will see everyone tomorrow." Kurda got up and glared at them all until they left. He walked over to the "happy couple" pulled them apart and pushed them out the door.

Sighing to himself, he wondered what tomorrows trip to hell would bring.

(A/N) Thanks to all the people who gave me class ideas, I needed them. Thanks to Amela333, and ferretgirlsz for suggesting gym, and leading to this chapter. Please keep sending ideas, I can seriously use them.


	10. Math

Kurda drummed his fingers on the table in anticipation. It was that time of day again. The time he hated. Six O'clock. He shuddered, and rubbed the bruise on his upper arm he had gotten in yesterday's gym class. Like always they trickled into the room in pairs.

"Stand up here class. We are getting assigned seats today." Exchanging looks they all went up to the front of the room.

"Alright." Kurda said, grabbing his seating chart form the desk. "In desk one will be Arra and Mika."

Arra glared at her teacher, while Mika huffed loudly and went to sit down.

"In desk two will be Larten and Paris." Shrugging, they went to sit down. Larten sat directly behind Arra, while Paris sat behind Mika, and behind his fellow prince's tall frame, disappeared from view.

"In the third desk will be Darren and Seba." Seba went to sit down with Darren following him.

"Did he learn nothing from the shoe experience yesterday?" The teenager grumbled to himself. Seba snickered, until Kurda cut him off with a glare.

"Lastly, Gavner and Arrow are in the fourth desk." Kurda finished, and looked up to see his entire class actually sitting in the correct seats.

"Okay," Kurda started, "Today we will be studying some basic math." He waited for a reaction. "There's addition, adding on numbers; subtraction, taking away numbers; multiplication, adding groups of numbers; and division, separating numbers into equal groups." Still nothing.

"We are starting multiplication." Kurda announced. No one moved. "Alright can you two please come up here?" He pointed to Arra and Mika.

"Alright. This is one group of two. Or two times one." Kurda said, putting Arra and Mika side by side. "Everyone understand?"

They all nodded. "Now would you four come up here?" He pointed to the next two desks.

He paired them off in the front of the room. "Now we have three groups of two, or two times three." They all nodded. "Can anyone tell me how many that is total?"

Darren rolled his eyes and raised his hand, while the rest just exchanged confused glances.

"Darren, how many of you are there?" Kurda pointed to him.

"Six." Darren answered, while everyone else gasped.

"Hey," Arrow yelled form the back of the room, "Why aren't me and Gavner up there with you all?" Everyone looked at Kurda for an answer.

"If you will wait just a minute Arrow, you and Gavner can---"He never got to finish that sentence.

"It's because he doesn't like you moron!" Mika yelled at Arrow.

"Oh yeah?" Arrow asked, and ran up to the front of the room. "Is that true?" He asked Kurda.

"I---," Kurda started.

"You hesitated! You don't like me, do you?" Arrow gasped, while everyone patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "Well, I think this whole math thing is stupid, teach."

Everyone gasped at Arrow, even Kurda.

"Can we all stop gasping?" Paris yelled.

"No. Gasping is fun old man!" Mika yelled back at him. Everyone else gasped.

"Stop gasping!" Darren yelled, covering his ears with cupped hands. Once again, everyone gasped.

"Oh my gods, would you all please stop gasping?" Gavner yelled, walking up tot the front of the room. Everyone gasped at his outburst.

"Gavner Purl! Darren Shan! The two of you have no right to question the princes." Mika announced. "Now let us gasp!" Al the vampires gasped, as Mika raised his fist to make his point and it connected with Gavner's scarred chin.

With a shocked face Gavner pulled his arm back to punch Mika in the stomach. Arrow grabbed his arm and flung him to the ground. Everyone gasped loudly.

"Hey look teach," Arrow yelled, "Were learning subtraction!" And he tackled Darren to the ground with another gasp from everyone in attendance.

"STOP GASPING, RIGHT NOW!" Paris yelled, and pulled Arrow off of Darren. Arrow responded by flinging the elderly prince off, who barreled straight into Arra.

Why did this always happen to him? Kurda felt helpless as his innocent math class broke out in an all out war. He slumped into his chair and watched as Paris slugged Larten in the nose, and Arrow beat the snot out of Darren on the ground.

Gavner stood up and grabbed Paris. He lifted the 800 hundred year old high above his head, "WAHA," He yelled, and flung him straight Mika. The black haired prince leaned backwards dramatically and Paris flew over him. He was flying straight at Kurda!

BAM! With a magnificent crash, Paris hit the blonde teacher and toppled both him and the teacher into a backwards flip. The chair snapped as it hit the floor, with Kurda and Paris landing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

They were in a very compromising position, with Kurda on top of Paris, his face hovering centimeters above the elderly princes.

"OMVG!" Darren yelled. "The song is true!" All the vampires gasped, and looked over at Kurda, on top of Paris.

Kurda stared in shock as they came for him. "We'll save you Paris!" Mika yelled.

With both arms outstretched Gavner made a dive for Kurda. His hands caught the blonde in the ribcage, and he went flying into the far wall. Dazed, he watched as his class cheered on Gavner, and helped Paris. They were under the impression that Paris had been through a terrible ordeal, and now they treated him like a war hero, when in reality Gavner had thrown him at Kurda in the first place.

"Your bravery will never be forgotten Paris! You will forever be remembered among the vampire clan as a hero!" Mika announced, as him and Arrow lifted Kurda on to their shoulders.

Kurda rose slowly form the floor, his head spinning wildly from hitting the wall. "Class. Today was a disaster. If this happens tomorrow, everyone will have detention. Understand?" Kurda said, glaring at them all.

They all looked at him, and the cheering fell deathly silent.

"Class is dismissed. I will se you tomorrow." Kurda waved his hand, and still carrying Paris they marched out of the room.

(A/N) Sorry about this chapter it's not very good! I don't like math, so it was hard to make it funny :( Please R&R, you reviews keep me writing.

Thanks to Starlyn Neoma, Rowan Rawr., and Amela333 for the idea of math class, that lead to the writing of this chapter, pleas keep sending class ideas!


	11. Chemistry

Kurda sat as his desk, waiting on his class. It was six O'clock, and they should be arriving any minute. Today would be all business; he was tired of this nonsense. They were going to learn something, if it killed him.

They same in their normal pairs, with Darren and Gavner bringing up the rear. To Kurda's relief they all sat in there correct seats. "Alright class," He started, "Today we will be working with the basics of chemistry."

They all shrugged. "Okay, now, I'll pass out the materials. Clear off your desks and put on the safety goggles and lab coats in the back cabinet." Kurda moved to get there chemicals, while all of them raced to the back of the room to get there outfits.

Kurda grabbed the beakers of various chemicals and passed them out, giving each group the same amount, while they pulled on there safety gear. Everyone shrugged into their lab coats with no problem, but the goggles were a little more of a problem.

Gavner put his on upside down, while Arrow pulled his out in front of his face, and let go. The elastic band snapped backwards, along with the glasses. They ended up crooked on his face, and they caused a bright red imprint on his face, making him look like a raccoon.

They all turn around and laughed at him, until he glared viciously, causing them to stop abruptly. Kurda sighed, letting out a long breath, before deciding that it would be best to start the lecture.

"We are going to do a couple of experiments today. First off, does everyone have there ice cubes? They're in the Styrofoam cups." Everyone looked down, and nodded once they found their ice cubes.

"Does everyone have there salt?" Everyone looked at there table, and nodded once they found there baggies of salt. "Alright one person in each group pick up an ice cube."

It was a mad scramble for the ice cubes. Mika grabbed one of the top, but succeeded in sending his and Arra's flying halfway across the classroom! Finally, after much struggle and fighting, four people had ice cubes in their hands.

"Now," Kurda instructed, "The other person in your group open your salt and pour it on the ice cube in your partner's hand." Arra poured the salt onto the cube in Mika's outstretched hand; Paris onto Larten's; Gavner onto Arrow's; and finally, Darren onto Seba's.

"Squeeze it." They all listened to Kurda's instructions, squeezing the ice tightly in there hands.

"Holy Shiz!!!!!!!" Arrow yelled, His hand springing open and the ice cube falling to the ground.

"It should burn a little," Kurda explained.

"Really Blondie? Ya' think so?" Yelled Arrow, clutching his hand where the skin had burned off.

Everyone gave him really weird looks, like they couldn't believe that the fearless prince had been bested by an ice cube. That is until theirs started working. Mika smacked his out of his palm, and sent it flying in the right wall of the classroom. Larten slammed his out of his hand, and blew on it till it stopped stinging.

Seba, however, flicked his wrist and the ice cube flew threw the air. They all watched it as it sailed over their heads. Right into Kurda's eye.

His eye turned brilliant red as the salt got stuck on the thin lens, and the tears started to flow out of his left eye. He clamped his hand over it, and glared at his class. This would not stop him today; it was only a minor bump in the road.

"Would everyone please get their other materials and mix the red ad green powders in their bowls." Kurda said, everyone just stared stupidly at him for a moment, unable to believe that he would actually be able to speak after what had just happened. But finally, they did what he said.

"Be careful to pour slowly!" Kurda said frantically, as Mika was getting ready to flip the bag upside down and dump it in. The prince shrugged and slowed down. Everyone had there powders mixed together when Kurda checked the second time.

"Alright. Now slowly pour in the PURPLE liquid in the next bag." You wouldn't think this would be that big of a problem. Darren, Mika, and Larten all grabbed the purple liquid, but Gavner grabbed the blue vial instead.

WHOOOOOSSSSHHHHH! Gavner and Arrow's experiment went up in flames, literally. The entire back part of the classroom was engulfed in weird purple flames.

"No one panic!" Kurda yelled. At his words everyone started screaming at the top of their lungs, and running around in circles. BAM! Darren ran straight into Larten, knocking them unconscious to the floor. Paris crawled under his desk, and curled up in the fetal position, while Mika got on top of his desk, and hooked his fingernails in the ceiling to pull himself up.

"CALM DOWN RIGHT NOW!" Kurda tried again. No one listened, no matter how much he screamed.

Finally, the smoke surrounding the last table cleared. Gavner was standing there, charred as toast, with his arm outstretched, still holding the vial that was now empty. His hair was standing straight up on his head, and his goggles had fallen down to the end of his nose. Arrow, on the other hand, was just as black as Gavner. Btu he had taken of his goggles. Around his eyes, were pale as they usual were, making him look like a raccoon.

"Well," Gavner said, "that didn't work." Everyone started laughing, all except Paris, who was still curled up on the floor, and, of course, Kurda. He was shaking his head, looking at the, literally, charred remains at his attempt to teach these animals. But if they thought he was giving up, they were dead wrong.

"Class." Everyone turned to look at Kurda. "Clean up your supplies, and then you may leave. I'll see you tomorrow, class is dismissed."

(A/N) Sorry about the long wait guys. I have been so busy lately, it's not even funny! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, please R&R.

Thanks to Starlyn Neoma for the idea of Chemistry class. Keep sending ideas people need them.


	12. Health

Kurda sat anxiously at his desk in front of his classroom, wary of hi class. It was six O'clock; they would be arriving any minute. He had managed to clean the back of the classroom up during the morning, even though it had taken till about noon to get it fixed completely. It was okay, he told himself, everything was okay.

He class came in slowly, in pairs and sat down in there usual places. Gavner looked like a slice of burnt toast, and Arrow looked like a charcoal brisket. "Alright class," Kurda stood up. "Today we will have health class."

"Health class?" Seba asked, and all the vampires exchanged glances while Darren banged his head on the table.

"Health class. We will be learning some basic hygiene." Kurda said, and passed out some pamphlets. "Everyone take a look at these while I get us ready." Kurda walked up to the front of the room, got his marker, and turned to write on the board.

"Hygiene. Can anyone tell me what that means, in there own words?" Kurda asked, writing HYGIENE, in really big letters on the board. He turned around to look at his class. No one had raised there hand. He sighed_._

"It says in the dictionary and page one of your pamphlet that _hygiene is a condition or practice_ _conducive to the preservation of health. _Can anyone tell me what that means?" Kurda asked again, but looking gat his class he wasn't very hopeful. Seba was staring at his pamphlet intently, but it was upside down. Darren still had his head on the table, while everyone else was just giving him blank stares.

Darren finally raised his hand. "It's stuff that keeps us healthy."

"That's right Darren. It's all the things like showering, brushing our teeth, and not doing drugs that keep us healthy." Kurda agreed with him. At the word shower all the vampires in the room cringed, except Arra, who was one of the only people who had showered in the last week.

"Why did you all cringe?" Kurda asked confused, he showered almost every day.

"You said the "S" word, teach." Mika explained, looking scared. All the vampires nodded, Arra rolled her eyes, and whispered an exasperated "men" under her breath.

"The "S" word Mika? What's that?" Kurda asked, before realizing that he really shouldn't ask.

"I can't say it!" Mika yelled. "If you say it three times, bad things happen." All the others nodded in agreement.

"You're telling me that if I say, what I'm assuming is "shower", three times bad things will happen to me." Kurda asked, they all nodded. He sighed, and then went into a lecture about how important dental hygiene is. They actually listened.

At the end, they had managed to actually get through a whole lesson; Kurda gave out small bags with bright pink smiley faces on them. "Alright class these are yours to keep. In here there is a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, shampoo, and shower soap."

As soon as he said "shower" Mika screamed, and backed away from him, toppling his desk, and knocking Larten and Paris' desk on top of them. Darren jumped backwards as Mr. Crepsley's head hit the front of his desk, causing Darren to hit Arrow and Gavner's desk behind them.

All four desks fell like dominoes, but nobody complained or yelled at Mika. They were all staring at Kurda in horror.

"Guys," Arrow whispered, "You know what we have to do, don't you?" They all nodded and walked forward towards Kurda.

Fifteen minutes later, Vanez Blane stepped into the shower room. It had been a long day and he was hot from all the training he had done. He slipped off is shirt and stepped into the nearest waterfall.

"MMMMMMM," He heard, from inside the spray s he stepped in. Looking through the thick fog, he saw the outline of a person. He stepped a little closer. It was Kurda!

He was tied to his desk chair, with ropes al the way around his body and a thick bandana covering his eyes. He was trying to break out of his bonds by pushing himself up and down, and as a stunned Vanez watched, he fell over! He fell face-first into the icy shower and flopped around like a fish. Screaming through his gag.

Shaking his head out of his trance, Vanez rushed forward, untied Kurda from the chair, and pushed him out of the shower. The blonde vampire was soaked to the bone, his clothes drenched, and his hair plastered to his face. He was looking into the laughing faces of his class. They were all doubled over, staring at their teacher.

"Class. I will no tolerate this anymore. I'm serious this time. If this happens tomorrow you will have detention. Understand?" They stopped laughing, at his expression. "Class is dismissed, I'll see you tomorrow."

(A/N) I wrote this because now I have health second block, and was inspired. I got the legal definition of hygiene from , which I don't own. Hoped you liked this chapter, I wrote listening to Dancing Queen by Abba, which I don't own, so it could be a little weird. Please R&R.


	13. Drama

_**(A/N) Sorry for the long wait guys! I've been busy, and this is harder to write than it looks. Thanks for all the ideas guys, but can I ask a favor, for complicated reasons I cannot do a foreign language chapter, so as much as I need ideas those don't really help me a lot! Please R&R, and keep sending ideas! Thnanks to ParodyMaster33 for this idea!**_

It was six O'clock yet again. Kurda was sitting in his new chair, at this desk in the front of his classroom. He waited as the minutes ticked by, waiting on his class to show up. Sure enough, they did. They came in pairs, with Darren bringing up the rear. After they were all seated at their desks, Kurda rose up slowly.

"Class. Today we will be doing some things with drama." Kurda looked around at his class. "We will be attempting to do some classic literature, with a modern twist."

"What does that mean?" Arrow asked, and everyone else looked confused.

"We will be doing Shakespeare, but instead of reading the lines off the page, we will use improvisation to do our own story." Kurda explained. "We will use the basic plot line and characters, but add our own words and things like that."

They all shrugged, not really caring. "Now we need to assign parts."

"Arra, since you are the only girl you will be Juliet." Kurda said, and Arra glared at him, "You get to pick your own Romeo." He added hastily.

"Larten." She said, and Larten smiled before the pair came and stood in front at the front of the classroom.

"Alright Darren, you are Friar Lawrence." Kurda told him, gesturing him to the front.

"I'm Friar Darren; my name will never be Lawrence." Everyone turned to stare at him. "You really don't want to know."

"Friar Darren then." Kurda said, shaking his head. "Paris, you will be Juliet's father." Paris sighed a long sigh and then came to the front of the room, complaining about having a "murderous daughter who could kick his ass in a fight."

"Seba, you will be Romeo's father." Seba shrugged, got up and went to stand with Larten.

"Arrow you will be Juliet's brother, and Gavner, you and Mika will be Romeo's brothers." Kurda said, and then went on to explain the story of star-crossed lovers whose families wouldn't let them be together, eventually resulting in their deaths.

"All right, let's get started."

* * *

They started their "play" with Arra standing over towards Kurda's desk, and Larten standing at the back of the room, with "Juliet's family" scattered in-between them. Darren was standing in the make-shift church (under a paper cross with Kurda's podium.) The play was ready to begin.

"Romeo! Romeo! Where for art though Romeo?" Arra said, staring at Larten and rolling her eyes. Before Larten could answer, Arrow butted in.

"Juliet, let's be serious! Do you really need that idiot? He can't even hold a job!" Arrow yelled, waving his arms dramatically.

"My brother is not an idiot, ummmm, Rodney!" Mika yelled back.

"Yeah, I'm not an idiot, and I'm more than good enough for Juliet!" Larten yelled in agreement.

"Rodney?" Arrow looked confused, but Arra looked livid.

"Lar---Romeo! If you're more than good enough for me, why don't you find someone else?" She yelled at him. Larten looked shocked, and then he realized what he had said.

"Wait Juliet….." He never got to finish his sentence, for Seba's frantic interruption.

"Do not talk to my son like that! He's more than good enough for you!" Seba said, with Mika and Gavner nodding there agreement.

"Oh yeah, old man?" Arrow said back. "I don't appreciate you talking to my sister like that."

"My daughter is more than good enough for your dishonorable son." Paris said his agreement.

"Why don't you prove it?" Gavner yelled for the first time.

Darren, being the wise Friar that he was, came down from his podium. " Now, men and Juliet, lets try to be civilized." He said, everyone turned to him.

"Shut up, friar boy!" Arrow said, and to make his point swung his fist into Darren's, peace-making nose. They all stared at him, slack-jawed, while Darren clutched his face.

"Holy shit dude, you can't hit a friar!" Mika yelled.

"Somebody's going to hell." Gavner said, shaking his head, "Typical of your family though. Attacking innocent friars." All the members of Romeo's clan, shook there head in disappointment.

"You can shut up too!" Arrow yelled at Gavner, grabbing a pencil off the nearest desk and throwing it at Gavner. Kurda watched helpless as the "Montague's" and the "Capulet's" (or cow-pellets as Arrow was calling them), broke out into an all out war.

Paris and Seba were circling each other, like giant cats. Gavner and Mika were tag-teaming Arrow, while Larten and Arra were attempting to break threw the crowd to each other. In a completely sick way, it was almost like the play, two star-crossed lovers destined to not be together because of warring families. It was almost sweet, until his ear almost taken off by a flying chair.

And, then all hell broke loose. Darren had grabbed his giant cross form the ceiling, and he jumped onto Arrow's back, wrapping his arms around the prince's neck. With his right arm he took the paper cross and whacked Arrow with it, as the older man tried to shake him off by running around the room.

"Take that baldy!" Darren yelled, getting Arrow's nose with a well placed swing. Not watching where he was going, Arrow stumbled into Larten, taking all three of them to the ground and squishing Larten to the point that he lost about fifteen pounds.

Arra rushed forward, pulling Arrow, and Darren off of Larten. His eyes were closed. She knelt down next to him, and then turned to the pair cowering away from her. "You killed him!"

Slowly standing up, she took a step towards them, murder written across her face. With a loud shriek, Darren took off running, Arrow only a step behind. Tensing her muscles, Arra took off after them shouting, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Talk about your crazy ex-girlfriend." Gavner muttered, watching as Arra leapt on Arrow, pinning him to the ground.

"Run Darren, save yourself, little friar!" Arrow yelled, as Arra dragged him backwards.

"Arrow! NOOO!" Darren yelled, watching as his one-time enemy was drug off towards his doom. "You, uhhhh, have my blessing!" And then he took off.

Everyone watched his go, and then turned there attention to Arra getting ready to kill Arrow. "It'll be a lovely funeral," Paris said casually, watching as she pulled on his ears till his face stretched.

"Do you think we should have it on Sunday, or Tuesday?" Gavner asked.

"What about Monday?" Seba questioned.

"I have plans." Mika spoke up, staring at Arra as she threw Arrow to the floor, and stepped on him.

"Oh, then Tuesday sounds good." Paris conceded, then they turned back to watch the action.

Arra had her knees planted in the center of Arrow's back, pinning him to the ground, and looked like she was getting ready to rip his head off, when Larten rose up from the floor, staring at them.

"What are you doing?" Arra stared at him, letting go of Arrow and standing up, walking over to Larten on the floor. Staring daggers at him, she slapped him across the face.

"I aught to kill you for making me think you were dead." And then she walked away, leaving a confused Larten rubbing his face.

"Arra, wai-----!" But Kurda interrupted.

"Before we dig ourselves in any deeper, I have two things to say. Number one, tomorrow, you all have detention, starting at eight after class. Second, get out of here, class is dismissed." Kurda buried his face in his hands as the left; all giving him stunned looks, all except for Darren who was yet to be found.


	14. Parenting

(**A/N) This one will be a little different. It will be split into two parts, the first part titled Parenting and the second part titled Detention, you'll see why later, mostly for length. Just wanted to clear that up. There are minor sexual references, so if that offends you either ignore them, or don't read it.**

It was six o'clock and Kurda's fingers were drumming the desk in anticipation. His class was showing up soon and he was ready, this chaos was going to end today, if it killed every last one of them.

"Afternoon, teach." Arrow came in the door and flopped down at his desk, followed by the rest of the class. They all sat down, and if looks could kill, Kurda would be six-feet under.

"Good afternoon class. Today, we will be taking a parenting class, and we even have a guest speaker." Kurda walked around to the front of the desk, "Does anyone-,"

Arrow cut him off, "Who in the hell is a guest speaker for parenting class? No one here is a parent!"

All the class stared up at Kurda, waiting on an answer. "Well, this is actually for off a sexual education class, which involves parenting skills. So our guest speaker is Vanez Blane."

"Vanez? Really?" Mika spoke up from his seat beside Arra, "He's like the two hundred year old vir-."

"There are small children in the room!" Seba yelled at Mika, standing up behind his desk. "Stop making inappropriate comments Mika!"

"I'm almost 19 years old! And he was going to say vir-" Darren stood up, too, defending his honor.

"Don't say it!" Arra yelled. Everyone turned to her.

"What's wrong with vir-" Gavner spoke up, and shut up with a glare form Arra.

"We are at school! You don't say that word at school!" Arra yelled back at him.

"Some people lose their vir-" Arrow didn't finish the word, "At school. Why can't we say it?"

"Because if you do, I'll kill you, Arrow." Arra said, turning to him.

"I'll help her!" Seba said.

"CLASS!" Kurda yelled interrupting their very important discussion. "Our guest has arrived and we are all going to show him respect. So, sit down, and shut up."

Everyone did exactly that as Vanez walked in. "Hey, Vanez." Darren said, form his chair. Vanez nodded his head, setting a black bag on the table.

"Its' the mysterious black bag." Arrow whispered, and Mika snorted.

Vanez whipped around, his good eye stretched wide and his sightless one aimed straight at the bald prince. "What's in this bag is the biggest thing that could ever happen to any of you. The most dangerous thing. The most unchangeable thing. Because once it's there, there is no getting rid of it. Do you think that's funny?"

Arrow and Mika shook their heads, as Vanez reached into the bag. Looking at it, Kurda noticed that it wasn't really a bag; it was a basket, with no top. Vanez reached down and pulled out the contents.

"WHERE IN THE HELL, DID YOU GET A BABY?" Paris yelled. In Vane's arms was a tiny baby, a real live baby. Staring back at all of them with big blue eyes and a scared smile.

"Wal-Mart. There's a lot of them there." Vanez murmured, rocking the baby back and forth. "Now, you see this baby?"

But the rest of his message died as the class surged up to see the baby. "Its' so cute?" "What's its name?" "Is it a boy, or a girl?"

"SHUT UP!" Vanez yelled, and the throng froze instantly. "This baby is cute and adorable, but it is also responsibility, pain, money, suffering, and danger in a cute little package."

Everyone took a step back from the baby, and its tiny face tightened up as it got ready to cry.

"It doesn't look evil, Vanez." Vanez and Kurda watched as the class got unconsciously closer to the Wal-Mart baby. "It's so cute."

Vanez whipped around towards the front desk. "It is adorable, that's what makes it dangerous!" He turned back to face them, a crazed look in his eye. "That's why I'm giving your class the baby, and you have to care for it today. On a 100 dollar budget, in this room."

He put the baby into the basket, and ran from the room. Everyone watched him go, thinking that someone was off his meds, before Kurda captured their attention. "I have decided that you are all one family, one set of parents, two grandpas and the rest of you are uncles."

Arra reached for the baby. "So who's the parents?" She looked at Kurda.

"You and Larten." He said instantly, to a loud gasp form Arrow.

"What? We can't have a gay couple raise the baby?" He demanded, getting in Kurda's face. "Gay couples can raise perfectly happy, wonderful children, you prejudice bastard!"

"Arrow I'm not prejudice, it's just that gay couples can't have biological children." Kurda explained, backing up.

"Humph. Sounds like a stupid excuse if you ask me. Be careful what you say Blondie, I won't have a prejudice baby grow up in this home!" He gave Kurda one more glare, and then turned back to his family.

All of them gathered around the baby, and as it started to scream, they realized that Vanez had been right. This was a one way ticket to Hell.

* * *

"So," Darren said, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

I think it's a boy." Mika said, getting up close to the babies face as it grabbed his long hair. "Definitely a boy."

"I think it's a girl." Arra said, letting the baby grab her finger and put it in her mouth.

"So," Darren said, still rocking, "Who wants to check?"

"No" Larten said immediately. Arra turned on him.

"This is our child! Don't you want to know the gender?" She glared at him, and he shifted his eyes.

"Its' not really ….ours, Arra." He said quietly.

"Excuse me? Did you just say this baby isn't ours?" She handed the baby to Darren, who backed away. "So, what you're saying is that knowing the gender is not important, because the baby isn't biologically ours?"

"I just…" Larten backed away slowly, his hands palm up.

"You just decided that the baby is not important because it's not "ours"." She backed him against the wall. "If you think you can just flake out after all we've been through, you can forget that. You're a father now, now be a man and check the gender on our baby."

She slapped him across the face, pulled him off the wall and flung him to where Darren was standing with the baby. He took it from his arms and glanced back at Arra, who was standing with her arms crossed.

He walked over to the desk and set the baby down. Everyone was silent as he went to change the diaper. "It's a boy!" He yelled, "Definately a boy."

As fast as he could, he scooped the baby back into a diaper, and picked him up. "Are you happy now?"

""Yes, thank you." Arra said, and took the baby back.

"So, what's his name?" Gavner asked.

"Lil' Arrow!" Arrow yelled, reaching for the baby. It watched his fingers and then bit him hard on the hand.

"I am not dooming my child with that name Arrow." Arra said, pulling the baby off Arrow's hand.

"Paris, Jr.?" Paris suggested, but it was shot down, along with Darren Junior, Mini-Gavner, Mini-Me, and Midget.

"How about Albert?" Larten said, met by silence.

"Hell no!" Arrow said, "What kind of vampire name is Albert?"

Larten hung his head in disappointment, he had always wanted an Albert. "His name is Mickey."

"Mickey?" Mika said, then at Arra's glare, "It's better than Albert."

"Feed me to the sharks, why don't you?" Larten muttered.

"Mickey's okay…, but what about his last name?" Arra looked at Larten, Larten looked at Darren, Darren looked at Gavner, Gavner looked at Paris, Paris looked at Seba, Seba looked at Arrow, Arrow looked at Mika, and Mika looked at Arra, "It's Sails-Crepsley-Shan-Purl-Nile-Skyle-Ver Leth."

"Dar Gods, he'll never make it through kindergarten!" Larten said, and then shut up as Arra slammed her foot on his. "Sound great!" He squeaked.

"Alright!" Kurda spoke up for the first time in ten minutes. "Now that that's established, let's work on your budget. I have a cabinet full of supplies and your fake money, so you have to budget and buy things for the baby." He stopped and took a wad of tiny bills out of his pocket. "For detention there will e an extra two hours of care for the baby."

"And now," Arrow said, as the baby took up to screaming for God-knows what reason, "The Shit hits the fan."

(**A/N) And so ends part one, the second one will get better! Will Larten survive his and Arra's relationship? Will Kurda? Will Mickey? Dun-dun-Dun**

**By the way, lots of people suggested parenting. If you were one of these people, send your name in a PM or review and I will put a list in the next chapter which will be titled Detention.**

**Check out my new poll! Please!**


	15. Dentention: Vampire Edition

**(A/N) I'm back. Sorry for the ridiculously long wait, but I hope this was worth it. There's been so much going on lately that it may not be up to my usual standard. But I'm hopeful, so enjoy!**

The baby screamed his head off. Arra screamed her head off. It was that pattern that made Kurda pray for when the eight O'clock bell would toll and maybe would give them some silence at last. It was 7:45, he could do this, only fifteen minutes until detention started and maybe he could reign in some control before things got too bad.

All of a sudden, everything stopped. The babies cries stopped, Arra's yells were silenced, that it until a new scream came. "My beard!" Paris screamed, and Mickey laughed, pulling harder of Paris' amazingly long facial hair.

"Get off you demon child!" Paris yelled, jerking Mickey's tiny hands off his beard, but all that did was jerk the hairs even more. Paris screamed louder, like a wounded cat screeching when you "accidently" step on it, and started running in circles, jerking on Mickey the whole time.

"Paris Anthony Skyle! Put my child down this instant or I swear I'll kill you!" Arra got up and reached for the baby, jerking him away from Paris' beard and succeeding on getting Mickey, along with several hundred hairs off Paris's face. The babies' and the old man's eyes welled with tears of sadness.

"I've had that beard for almost 300 years." He turned to look at his BFF (also known as Seba, or Sebs). "It never grows back the same."

He cried, his tears rolling down his old man wrinkles. "Oh can it Santa Claus, the world has bigger problems than your weird attachment to your hair." Arrow said, looking back at the depressed baby, who Arra was now hugging it so tight that he looked practically strangled. "Like the growing child abuse problem in this place."

"Larten, do me a favor and kill Arrow while I lay Mickey down over here." Arra never broke stride as she moved to put Mickey over on the "blanket" she had made form a robe she stole out of the broom closet. Larten looked at her, then at Arrow, and stood still, his face growing pale in fear.

The baby laid on the blanket, still looking upset, but not as much. Arra looked back and them and opened her mouth right as the 8 O'clock bell tolled seven times. It was a little jacked up from an accident involving a toaster, a sack of frozen peas, and a gerbil before any of the vampires in the room had even been thought of.

"Alright class, I'm going to stay in here, but you have two more hours before Vanez comes to retrieve the baby to return it to Wal-Mart. The store is in the back, here's your hundred dollars." Kurda gave Darren the fake money. The boy looked at it, his eyes wide.

"Santa got my letter!" He opened his mouth in a huge grin that stretched so big you could barely see his cheeks. "I'm a rich kid for the first time!" He broke into a victory dance, saying "suck it beotches" to anyone who came within 2 inches of him.

This kept up for about 3 seconds before Arra snatched the "Kurda-Bucks" right out of his hand. "Me and Larten are going to the store, which is only the back of the room. Watch the baby." She wrapped one hand around Arrow's throat, pulling him close to her. "Got it?"

"I got it, please let me go, nice lady!" Arrow choked out, his face, and his bald head turning redder the longer she choked him. Arra rolled her eyes, whispering something more about the weakness of men as she grabbed Larten by the arm and pulled him toward the cabinet.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Darren turned to the others. "Guys, we have to do something about this, she has insulted our manly pride!"

"Your right Darren, we need to show her that were not stay at home dads, we have pride!" Arrow agreed.

"FOOTBALL!" Mika yelled, and banged his chest, causing Kurda, Arra, Larten, and Mickey to give him idiotic looks.

"No, you asshole, we need to show something that proves we are manly men!" Arrow pulled him back down into their huddle. "And we have to use the baby, because I don't want us to end up dead."

"I've got it!" Seba said, and the rest of them leaned into the old vampire's whispers while Kurda watched in alarm as a plan brewed, and judging by Mika's outburst, it couldn't be a good one.

"Alright, should we get extra-wet protection, or deluxe leak protection?" Arra grabbed a bag off the top shelf. Larten stared at her, not being able to make out any of the writing on the bags. He didn't even know those were diapers.

"How about the deluxe?" Larten mumbled, feeling embarrassed by his inability to read, "Deluxe is good right?"

"Usually, it h-," Arra stopped as they both heard the loud bang of two of the desks being flipped onto their sides. Arra whipped around, seeing Arrow and Mika and Darren standing in front of two overturned desks. Darren held Mickey up feeding him milk that had a funny orange tinge to it.

"What are you giving to Mickey, and where is his diaper?" Arra yelled running forward. Arrow and Mika jumped forward and grabbed her. By her arms, while Darren didn't move, he just stood while Mickey sucked down the rest of the bottles worth of orange milk. She was right, Mickey had on no diaper, but Darren did have a satisfied smile as he looked up at Arra and held up the empty bottle.

"That, my good lady, was a packet of airborne mixed in with your baby formula. Why, you may ask?" He turned his head dramatically, squinting one of his eyes is a glare. "Well, I'll tell you."

"Airborne, with its chemical make-up, is designed to get rid of colds and prevent them afterwards. It is full of vitamin C." Mickey squirmed in Darren's arms and he cocked his head, watching as Seba and Paris leapt out from behind the desks to help their friends hold Arra still. She squirmed as much as Mickey, trying to break their grip in confusion.

"Do you know what happens to excess Vitamin C, Arra? No?" Darren put his hands under Mickey's arms, holding him up so his front was to Arra. "You pee it out!"

And then it started, Mickey couldn't take it anymore. He let it loose, soaking Arra in pee as he started to cry form Darren's maniacal laughter. When he was finished, Darren laid him on the table, and the others let go of Arra, running over to the table.

Arra stood with her eyes shut, breathing deeply, while the five of them slapped hands and chest bumped in a manly parade of pride. "You….assholes." She said it quietly.

"We're sorry Arra, but you had to learn what it's like to mess with the boys on campus!" Seba yelled, ripping his shirt off his chest (or at least he tried to). The others fist pumped and hooted in agreement. "Tell her Larten!"

"Yeah," Arra turned around, "Tell me Larten. Tell me I deserved to be pissed on by my own baby because of your shithead friends. Tell me."

"Honey, sweetie, Snookum's, babe, my Twinkie; I had nothing to do with this, believe me! We were buying diapers, remember!" Larten held his hands in front of his face.

"What are you talking about, Daddy-O? You should take credit for such a great plan!" Darren yelled, and the rest chanted agreement.

Kurda sat watching as Larten Crepsley slowly met his end. Arra never gave a second thought to the diaper excuse, she laid into him like an alcoholic lays into some good Kentucky bourbon. Almost an hour later, when it was done and Larten lay unconscious, barely hanging onto life, and his two remaining teeth, Kurda decided they had learned a valuable lesson and could all go home.

"Alright, were done here. Class is dismissed, and I'll see you all, except maybe not Larten, tomorrow at 6. And remember men, women always were the pants. Get over yourselves." And with that, he left, followed by the vampires who were still able to stand, and Vanez, who had come to retrieve Mickey, The WAL-MART baby.

(A/N) You better remember it too, boys, if any of you are reading this.


End file.
